How to Bomb in Six Easy Steps

You’re scared, I know. Much of life in Retail Land changed this year...but not everything. What you knew on Memorial Weekend continues to be true today. Just gotta get your groove back and start thinking with the head, not the nerve endings.

If, however, you’re determined to be eaten alive by current economic conditions, here are six easy steps to assure you’ll crash and burn by December 31st:

1. Make split second decisions
Fear breeds snap decisions. Snap decisions breed nightmare situations. That ought to kill you off by New Year’s. Or...take a moment to rewind. It may feel like the economy is running you over at 90 mph, but it’s not—a day still has 24 hours, a week still has seven days. And you still have the ability to make wise choices and savvy moves, just like you did before all this monkey business began. Put thought into your actions; this isn’t the time for business-related bungee jumping.

2. Put all your faith in the daily register tape
Want to freak yourself out? Hang on every number the register spits out. Or, as a more positive alternative (requiring less Pepcid AC), see it as a small piece of the big picture. Don’t let a lousy Thursday derail your plan for the remainder of the month. Examine which categories are moving, which are stalling, and what tweaks you can make to reshuffle the deck. Clearance out old product at fire sale prices. Bring in new product at the same time so people don’t think you’re closing. Offer as many free services as possible, adding value to each purchase.

3. Spend more money than you need to
You‘re ordering $254 worth of product, but if you bump it to $300, you’ll get free freight. Good idea? Sure, if you want it to be your last. If you’d like to see Valentine’s Day, however, consider this: Why pay $46 for more product when the freight would have only cost $24? If that $46 is burning a hole in your pocket, find another fresh new line to bring in that complements the first. Don’t cave into last minute specials or go deep on single vendors unless the numbers truly add up. Order what you need; let someone count the backstock in their year end inventory.

4. Bet the farm on someone else’s opinion
One of the best shortcuts to early retirement? Decision by committee, with a committee that has no financial risk in the outcome. The alternative? Remember there’s not a soul on earth who loves your store more than you, or understands it better. Sure, it helps to ask others for advice (within reason...fellow retailers, reps, vendors, consultants, yes...your Aunt Mildred who only shops QVC, no), but in the end, only you know what fits. Listen to their opinions and ideas. Consider their recommendations. Draw an old fashioned Pro/Con chart if you must. Then trust your gut—not the mailman’s.

5. Under-appreciate your customers
Just let ‘em drift; you’ll be gone in a couple of months anyway, right? Or...you could try remembering that customers need to feel the love, especially now. Connect to them without tieing a sales pitch into the message. Offer fresh baked cookies. Send handwritten thank you notes. Play happy music in the background. Welcome them with a confident smile (even if you have to fake it), an open ear, and a zero-pressure environment when they stop in. If they’re just browsing, provide them a place that’s comfortable and sane; it increases the odds they’ll return. Stores that provide great customer service and peaceful respite from the world will win the race.

6. Doubt yourself
If you’re planning to crash and burn by January, odds are, this one’s a cakewalk. HEY-—aren’t you the same fearless being who jumped into retail to begin with? Where’s that damn the torpedoes mentality you once had? The creative mind that came up with new ideas at the drop of a hat? You might be scared, you might be antsy, but you’re still the person your employees and customers look up to. Strut your stuff, act the part. Confidence in one inspires confidence in others; right now, you’re the person to deliver it.

Buck up, kiddo. It’s time.